Tag Archives: writing

I’m Starting to Feel

I’m feeling like a writer
I’m feeling disappointment
and still
it’s all making sense
like why would this be easy
like every time I hear no
maybe it’s really because I said no
to something or someone else
something I could have done more
could have done better
like every time I hear no
it becomes
a part of my reason
I’m starting to feel like a writer
like it sucks to have to
explain 300 pages to someone who won’t
care until I make them care in 30 seconds
or less
or until the lights go out
or on
just read it
I’m thinking
like why do I have to stop
and explain to you
you need this
it’s obvious
to me
and for as long as you hesitate
is as long as you can fool yourself
that you know what you don’t know
that things are not presented to you
for a reason
every time
you procrastinate
you could be involved
assuming that my words
have something
you might need
now or later
I’m starting to feel like a writer
because you don’t think I am
and this suffering
is actually a comfort
because it reminds me
that my desires are real
and I need to pursue them
to exist
that my passions
are actually


Fear is
what I have everyday
when I wake up
and look
out the window
to hear the morning chaos
I expect
it to be a continuation
of what happened yesterday
and don’t feel I can let go
of it
is my today
I don’t know how to be
create me
outside of what others
have done
or said to me
I don’t know how
to say things to myself
to remember myself
in every moment
enough to be so present
to laugh at what I like
and smile
when something makes me feel good
I’m always thinking
I might be wrong
someone might disagree
with how I see me
I see me
in my dreams
I’m stronger there
only there
can I imagine
something else
extraordinary could happen
to me
even though I don’t deserve it
work for it
your fear
out the window
after you open it
and don’t look and wonder
what will happen out there
wonder what will happen
in here



Words mean everything
they do everything
they say everything
they hide everything
they know everything
Words mean nothing
they don’t feel
they don’t heal
they’re not a big deal
if you don’t believe them
Words make wars
Without words
We would hug more
kiss more
play more
help more
fight more
some people need words to live
their way
and some people don’t
because they live in a way that’s easy
to understand
words are not your own
they belong to whoever
you give them to
keep the ones that mean the most to you
that don’t hurt you
give the ones that you want
someone to give
to someone else
words don’t belong to you
they belong to the air
and melt inside of nothing
because nothing can hold them
they existed before you spoke them
they existed as a heartbeat
a rhythm
a pulse of life
that could have never
whether you spoke them or not
you don’t need words
you need to remember
to love


instead of being tired
call it inspired
call it ready
call it running
never missing a chance
knowing an opportunity
when you see it
hear it
feel it
taste it
touch it
smell it
love it
pick up the ball
and go
maybe you feel you’re too weak
maybe you feel out of your mind
just pick up your behind and
get to it


the obstinate choice
is saying yes
when you mean no
to something that was never meant
to be a part of you
because you are afraid
of the alternative
which you have not allowed
yourself to discover
sometimes you need to be
in a seemingly pointless
vegged out on
sounds of life
than stuck in a room
watching gamma rays
hoping your cancer will disappear
instead of getting up
going out
and being a part of the resistance
to everything insane
making humanity clear
by your mere
presence and participation
in the rhythm of life
that tries so hard to be heard
the sense
in the nonsense
the sound
in the noise
able to perceive the good things
marking them
drawing a circle around them
protecting them
helping them to become
more important to
more people
who can only perceive
and understand
the rhythm
of chaos
hating everything
outside of their rules
made to protect themselves
from the unknown alternative
scared of everything
that has its own rhythm
bending over bowls
peering into them
never testing to see
if they have a sound
those people
the ones who take
an instrument apart
to see what it is
instead of playing it