Tag Archives: age

Pregnant Pause

pregnant_belly

Rajo Devi Lohan
Annegret Raunigk
Janet Jackson
one Indian
one German
one American
all got together one day
and decided it was time
to choose
when they were ready
not when TV said
not when Mom said
not when science said
not when the man on the corner
who always says hi to you
said
man, a pretty girl like you?
not when you meet that lady
at a party with three kids
and she too wants to know
why
why don’t you have anyone
a girl like you
oh, you should have no problem
don’t you want to have a man
don’t you want to be married
don’t you want to have children
it changed my life
it was the greatest gift that God
ever gave
to me
the German, the Indian, the American
compelled me
just then
to say no
just because
what I want
is more important than what you want
and what you want is only for you
not never
and
not now
I don’t want to
is that okay
but
but
but
she said
so I
got annoyed
got frustrated
and I
told her
I have a skill
actually I have 3
and I wanted to be
an obstetrician
but I changed my mind
and went to university
not knowing that
language would be the key
to opening my eyes
and finding my destiny
I’m a writer
and writers’ need
they need
and need
they are not complacent
when a man asks for it
maybe they say ummmmmm….
I don’t know
not now
maybe they complain a lot
and
maybe they think too much
way much
about what they want
and they want
they want something different
they don’t change
except when it makes them better
compromise
a writer knows no compromise
it’s her voice
her time
her story
the way she wants it
to be told
by herself
not a man
in a car
going far
who invests his time and money in
not her
if she wanted to run for president
she would first have to marry the president
and then she might have a chance
after she has a kid or two
of telling people permanently
to shut the hell up
we don’t care what you think
we’re not ready
when we’re ready
We will make it
happen and
you
dear friend
who cares about things that
only you can relate to
or that you think is timely to believe
will just
have to wait
and
listen

Getting Old No Matter What

olderAt first, I thought my neighbors were just having a good time . . . . . all the time. Early in the morning, late at night, in the middle of the day, “Aaaaah” said over and over again in very provocative and now annoying fashion. It has been over a year since this started. Sometimes, I hear nothing. Sometimes, it’s obnoxiously a good time. Sometimes, I’m afraid to know what’s going on. How many times do they do it a day? Do they have jobs? Do I need to get another job – one that does not have me sitting at home translating documents or editing this upcoming book while listening to my neighbors live a life of daily, sexual revelry?

But, no. She has Alzheimer’s is what I found out and Alzheimer’s makes you whale and scream, throw out words and sounds in a repetitive yet unpredictable manner, and it can be a reflection of any kind of ailment or damage to the brain that the person with Alzheimer’s cannot otherwise express.

How must the husband feel? He must think that she is doing it on purpose, that she is trying to make him crazy. It’s making me crazy and I don’t even live with her. I can get up and leave. He can’t. He has to take care of her. What thoughts go through his head as his wife, who is obviously now experiencing much worse mental distress than him, is making him feel like he is the one coming down with Alzheimer’s?

I can’t imagine, don’t want to imagine, and now I no longer want to grow old. If Alzheimer’s is what awaits me, then I’m very afraid. However, some people grow old and never have to suffer through Alzheimer’s or any other critical disease. They simply carry out their life until their heart stops one day.

We often look at age as something that also defines us but, evidently age comes at each of us differently. That being the case, I will have to work hard to never let age define me, never let others define who I must be or what I must know because of any gray hairs that sprout up on my head. Why can’t you always be a child of wonder, wanting to learn, wanting to experience new things, wanting to stay in love, or even fall in love again? There are so many more experiences in life than any one full life can hold. Why would you stop growing no matter how old you get?